It’s been another harrowing month wrought with grief, angst, anguish, and anxiety. More loss. Questions, questions, and more questions. The only answer that keeps arising is, “Stay open. Was I and am I an instrument of Love? Only there to represent God’s Love? Only there to be a space of Love and Possibility for the other person? Give Love.”
Where you’re not in your Love, isn’t where you’re a bad person. It’s where you’re wounded – those places where we get triggered, where we don’t express our Love, and don’t know how to get our needs met. It’s always because of some confusion. It might be confusion that came from childhood or confusion that came from adulthood. It doesn’t really matter where it came from. It’s yours to own. To detox. To surrender to God.
This reminds me of a quote from the famous 13th century Persian Sufi poet and philosopher Rumi:
The wound is the place where the Light enters you.
Your unhealed place will rub up against their unhealed place. You can’t just analyze these things away. But you can surrender them to a Higher Power and that Higher Power will take them away from you and strengthen you.
We’re all so fragile. And sometimes we’re so clear about how sensitive we are, but we forget how sensitive how others are.
Here are some tips for deepening your relationship:
- Accept responsibility for your part in the conflict/misunderstanding, even if it’s only 1%.
- Allow yourself to be influenced by your loved one.
- Don’t assume. If something they said made you feel bad, ask them if that’s what they intended.
- Don’t display defensive behavior.
- Work together as a team against the problem.
- See things from each other’s perspectives.
- Consider each other’s feelings.
- Seek common ground.
- Cherish them by maximizing their positive qualities and minimizing their negative qualities.
- Build gratitude for what you have rather than creating resentment for what’s missing.
More wisdom from Rumi:
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
But when Love is our essential nature, why do we build barriers to Love?
We do this to protect ourselves. Inherent in loving is the risk of rejection. It requires intimacy, presence, and the willingness to be seen – all of which make us vulnerable. So we build walls to protect ourselves. We armor ourselves.
But did you know that this famous quote from Rumi has another piece to it?
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it, and embrace them.
This concept of embracing the blockages also comes up in conscious work. It shifts us into a place where we can sit with fear, resistance, and our shadow self.
Where there is Love, there are miracles. But in every situation where you put your armor on and don’t allow Love to flow forth, you deflect a miracle. Instead of blocking Love, allow it to flow forth. It’s terrifying, I know. But try it and see what happens. Know that you are not alone in your journey. I walk alongside you.
If you need help on your journey, reach out to me.